Schadenfreude - (noun) German. The joy or satisfaction derived from the troubles, failures or humiliation of others.
Now, I know that I started this blog on the premise that it would have funny life woes to entertain you all with, so where better to start than introducing you to the wonderful world of online dating. And yes, there will be screenshots!
Number ten: Shark attack
An enticing offer, but not one that I can say I was overly keen to accept...
Thanks, but no thanks.
Number nine: Foot guy
Now, I'm all for embracing peoples differences, but complimenting the very slight, and extremely blurry, view of my bare foot in the bottom of my picture didn't quite sit well with me...
Sorry Andrew, but it's a no from me
Number eight: Wanna see me dance naked?
The level of confidence I aspire to have... Offering to send complete strangers a video of you dancing naked.
And may I add, the offer did persist beyond the screenshot for quite a few hours.. and no, I did not accept, nor give out any social media's incase of a surprise attack.
Better safe than sorry!
Number seven: Strong facials
I would love if someone could enlighten me to what this even means?
To be complimented, or not to be complimented?
Unfortunately Jacob here was not graced with a reply. Sorry, better luck next time!
Number six: Reenactment?
In response to my mirror selfie, came an offer to practice some sort of BDSM?
Sadly, I think your assumption was a weenie bit off there Ethan.
Number five: Rhymer boy
During an absolutely riveting conversation about talents, this boy chose to tell me that the one talent he does have is rude so he won't go into anymore detail...
But on the plus side, he is 'really good at rhyming'
Number four: Gavin and Stacey would not be proud
Well... that seemed to escalate rather quickly!
I have to give it to him, it is a class response considering how quickly he came up with it, but once again, the offer doesn't really float my boat.
Maybe I'm too picky?
Number three: Fudge-coloured kids?
I'm not sure how many of you are aware of Hinge, but the general idea is that your profile consists of 6 pictures, and 3 answers to preset questions.. To 'like' someone, you can either comment on or like any of the above.
Therefore, this gentleman decided to offer to procreate with me and make 'fudge-coloured kids'
Number two: Davina Attenborough?
Following along the hinge-comment theme:
Next up we have Dan, who told me I look "super smart AND sexy, sort of like a female David Attenborough"
Extra points for originality?
Number one: How to get blocked immediately:
PLEASE NOTE THIS IS EXTREMELY RUDE AND GROTESQUE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Shocked, but sadly not surprised.
The volume of messages that I, and others, receive like this is absolutely mortifying, how on earth do they think this is appropriate?
I understand that its a dating site, but even the first sentence makes my eyes feel completely violated and my stomach turn.
Would anyone actually go for this?
And there you have it: an array of online-dating screenshots, straight from my app to your eyes.
There is plenty more where that came from, so if you enjoy marvelling in my discomfort, let me know and I'll be sure to provide you with further proof as to why I prefer the single life!
Until next time,